littlelotte

Turning in rental applications tomorrow for an amazing place on Walnut, just a house off of Westnedge. Two bedrooms, wood floors, amazingly large kitchen, BASEMENT! with washer and dryer!, lovely character, gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous. A little more pricey than we were hoping for, but an amazing steal given what it is. Less than I was paying for my one bedroom in Sterling Heights. Only water and trash included, and apparently a...bit (lot)...pricey to heat in the winter, but OMG AMAZING! So open and airy and roomy and BEAUTIFUL! And a little bitty slice of lovelylovely backyard!

I really hope I'll have pictures for you all within the next week and a half, because that would mean it's ours :-D

I don't often talk politics on here, but...is anybody else not exactly thrilled with the whole stimulus thing? I really struggled with even wanting to turn my taxes in on time so I wouldn't get it just because I think it's such a badbadbad idea. I understand the theory behind it, but when is throwing our already ridiculously-in-debt government even more in debt a good idea? Once upon a time the Republicans were all about fiscal responsibility. I'm thrilled for those who really need it, but I just can't say it's a good idea. Of course I'll get it, and I'll use some towards stuff for the new place (we need a kitchen/dining room table, and Dan has wanted a coffee table for longer than I can even remember right now), but I really want to donate with it. We have a few people shelters, and I'll also give to local pet shelters. I'll buy things, but I'll donate most. Hell, maybe I should donate it back to the government ;-)

It's...official. Deposit down, contract will be in the mail shortly.

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009 at Stuart Avenue Inn in Kalamazoo, Michigan.

Wow. I can't even describe how I feel right now. It's kind of amazing.

--

New allways. And pacific too. How'z life? Taking forever. Let's dance. And take forever with US. Yes. Let's go. We'll work it out.

I want you just this way. To never have to go away. From you. From US. Allways kissing, adored. The rest. And smiling. To hold you when we're happy, we're lazy. Sad. When you're stubborn. When you're brave. When you're mad. When you're scorned. But allways beside me and my moods. Too when you arrive. When you're allone. When I go. When I'm allone. But allways beside you wherever we roam. We're allways at once.

I hear you hearing me.

I'm not content. I want you more and more. I feer more and more. I'm so strange now. We're impossible to dismiss. To be apart of this? Whirls of ours. By something wide which feels close. Open but feels closed. Lying weirdly across US. Between US. Where we're closest, where we touch, where we're one. Somehow continuing on separately. Hold me tighter.

Everyone dreams the Dream

but you are it.

I won't help being. Your tears can't ever stop me.

We take nips of a saltier equity. Mixed. Our honey. Sticking on our lips, our fingers. Our Leftwrist Twists of Gold too. Sticking US together. Sticking US to the World. Everlasting Whims & Everlasting Loss. Against Horrors passing with Love's passing. Love and Horror's impermanence forever against Loss and the Caprice of endurance. Leaving US to the World. Leaving US together with our Leftwrist Twists of Gold. Our sticky fingers, our lips. Our liquidity. Sweetest mix of all we sip.

Here's to deciding. So glad. Allready welling up.

Everyone dreams the Dream

but we are it.

Somehow now, here, we're one, while allready somewhere nearer we go on apart. Untouched. Our between. Our across. US.

These Worlds of ours. United if unforgiven. We're various. We're extremely dangerous.

Don't be afraid. I want you more and more. Now. Everytime and everyway. Let's just do it all at once. Because except for US everyone goes away without US. Wherever we roam be beside me. When you're allone. When you go. When noone comes along.

And for all we Wander, Encounter and Open allways curl up with me. Give me Pain, Past and Fury. Betray my way. I won't abandon you. For US. For me. Until all's away and our Love is clutched by no one. And the World works.

Let US go gently. Taking our time. Dancing on. How is forever? Taking everyone. Except US...peaceful still. Before the passing World.

I hatehatehate when I have big news and can't say a damned thing because of stupid confidentiality agreements! I don't like being an adult! *whines*

The big news both affects me majorly and doesn't affect me at all. It all really depends on what my JVP says about what happens with me next. I have no idea what will and won't be affected by the most recent developments, mainly because I don't know if I'll still be with CiP or not.

Somebody posted this in literaryquotes and it's wonderful:

The Sum of our Days, Isabel Allende.
On a trip to India:

We didn't have our safety belts on because of the issue of karma: nobody dies before their time.

I think that is an amazing and perfect quote. Of course, I think we all know that I thoroughly believe in Fate.

Also, went up to Holland to visit amneria while she's in the state. madbillyblack was there, also, and we had a great time. We had lunch at an Irish pub, and I had boxty (and their boxty was amazing), and coffee, and we wandered around. I left early because I wanted to get back and see Dan for a little bit before we had to get to bed (we both open at our respective restaurants tomorrow morning). I happened to drive into town just as him and some of his coworkers were on their way to Fandango for tapas and drinks.

Fandango is amazing. We'd been there a couple of times before, but not in quite a while, so it was really, really amazing--especially going there with true Foodies. I had the Luna martini (which isn't listed on the site), and it was phenominal--it has vodka (I upscaled it to Belvedere), cucumber-infused water, mint, simple syrup, and cucumber in it. Heavenly. They also have sesame-crusted and marinated tuna cubes on top of cucumber slices which consist of THE most amazing sashimi-grade tuna I have ever had. Their flan was also amazing, and topped with a Licor 43 glaze and garnished with an orchid. Yum. I got three other people to try orchid (yay on me!), though I would have also loved to have the blossom all to myself. Note to all would-be cooks: never use a garnish unless it's edible, attractive, and adds something to the dish. Aside from the rasberry mimosas we created for NYE at the Brewery one year, I've only seen orchid used as a garnish one other time prior to this--on my sushi platter the first time I went to Pacific Moon in Newport, KY. People always look at me amazed when I start eating it...most people have no idea you can.

Okay...bedtime now. I have to be up way too early :-P

I am so happy right now. Three days off in a row! And I don't even have to leave Kalamazoo! Admittedly, they'll be very busy days off, but days off nonetheless. So far today I've done some laundry (still lots to do, as I'll be out of town for two weeks, but still), washed dishes, finished my leftovers from Hunan Garden, spent way too much time getting wrapped up in a silly silly show on youtube.com called "Quarterlife" just because the subject matter of the title appeals so greatly to me (it's by the creators of thirtysomething, I believe--I remember my mom used to watch thirtysomething when I was young), and I have yet to clean the bathroom, do more laundry, go out and find knee-highs (I want nylons with the seam in the back, damnit!) and high heels for my dress, and I need a special-events purse for it, too, and perhaps a wrap if I can find a nice and reasonably priced one for tomorrow night. Today is our anniversary (six years, damn), and I'm not sure what we're doing tonight. Probably just a typical night out. hehe...Last night we were out to dinner and he said, "I was going to have some flowers delivered to you, but I found out you have to do it a little bit more in advance and nobody delivers on Sundays." *laughs* I thought it was especially cute given that he's gotten me flowers exactly once in the past six years.

Anyway, watching that silly silly show has gotten me thinking about the whole idea of the quarter-life crisis and those studies saying people in their early twenties these days don't find themselves as "grown-up" or "adult" or independent as people did a generation or so ago. Many people our age (because most of you on here are around my age, as a large group of you are people I know irl from school and various other things) are still living with parents, and/or still in school (even if it's for second degrees or Masters or PhDs), or still reliant on parents in some form or another, and...you get the idea. So many of us who are any of those things feel so inadequate about where we currently are and how we should be further along in our lives by now, and the people doing these studies are trying to put forward the idea that it's not such a bad thing, it's just that our generation has forced us to be different. It's far more difficult to find the funds to buy a house or start a family or go to school or just get out of that place we're all trying to get out of, and more people are dealing with it.

It really bothers me to see so many people I know who have achieved great things so far feel so inadequate about where their lives are right now. Some people are meant to settle down and have children right out of high school, some people were meant to travel the world first and find true love later, some people were meant to go to school and stay there, some were meant to find careers and build from there--just because you haven't travelled the world and found your soul mate and had two point whatever-the-number-is-now children and bought a house and established yourself in your dream career and everything else that people think equates to success by the time you're in your mid-twenties doesn't mean you're deficient, it just means that wasn't the path meant for you. So many of my friends are so enviable for their lives in their own individual ways, and I think too few people see that. So, as an end-of-year wrap-up, I would like to commend my nearest and dearest twenty-something friends on what I see as some of their greatest accomplishments to date:

clearmind for landing the job with one of his dream companies and moving from Detroit to Kalamazoo to Boston to San Francisco to realize it, and to become involved in something he's been passionate about since the day I met him at WMU.

surlenil for quite literally travelling the world. She got a second bachelors this year (partially while living in London, and the rest while living in Grand Rapids, MI), travelled through Europe and other continents, and for taking her life in her own hands and moving to Shanghai in a few days to figure the rest out ;-) Amanda is one of the strongest and bravest women I know.

nadjezhda for moving to a new country speaking only a fraction of the language, and carving a life for herself out there, no matter how difficult it may be and seem at times.

amneria for not knowing what the hell she was going to do once she finished school and starting herself on a terrifying new path that she's succeeding admirably with.

literaryradical for moving to a big, scary new city and immediately making it her own. For overcoming heaps of adversity at every turn, finding the wonderful and succeeding at everything she puts her mind to, and becoming a truly admirable woman--another of the strongest and bravest women I've been lucky enough to meet.

penmage for finding real love and landing a job of her dreams and succeeding admirably with it, and for never once losing herself to any of it.

yellowest_finch for taking life into her own hands, breaking off something that was ultimately so unhealthy, and landing a dream job in the career she's chosen.

theactorman for travelling the country and doing a job he loves, and for finding a piece of himself in those towns he's lived--and making damn good money for it, too (speaking of you, I haven't heard from you in a while--hope all is going well!).

vox_diabolica for succeeding so well in a job he started out despising, for landing what promises to be a wonderful opportunity, for finding himself someone who seems to complete him and round him out so well, and for having the bravery to accept this opportunity so far away from the woman he loves while she pursues what is also an amazing opportunity of her own. Best of luck and wishes to you both.

chasmine17 for being the poster-woman and landing pretty much all of those things that I mentioned above ;-) All my best wishes and luck for the rest of it, Dana.

And, of course, I have to mention myself. I've grown in ways I never dreamed, I'm doing things I never dreamed, and I'm so happy for all of it. I've started a budding career in one of the fields I adore, I've found a love I adore, and that's enough for right now. Once I can settle down in one place for more than a handful of months I'll start working on some of the other things ;-) No kids, though. Never. I often joke "No babies in this tummy. Ever." I may be in vast amounts of debt (damn college!), but the other things help even it out a bit. And that should only be temporary anyway.

You all amaze me, and I'm so lucky to know each and every one of you. If you ever fear that your life is lacking, never forget that you have accomplished amazing things and that we're still so young and there is still so much life to experience...don't rush it all into a handful of years! Enjoy and savor every moment as it comes. The rest will follow in due course. Each and every one of you have done things that so many other people in this world will never do in their own lives. Never doubt how amazing you are for one second. Even if you're not on this list, if you're my friend, you are a phenomenal person who has done amazing things and/or overcome ridiculous and amazing obstacles. My friends are not run-of-the-mill in the slightest--not one of you ;-)

from the front page of LJ...I think this is exceedingly creepy. Anybody agree?

crush_posts
Share a photo of your crush, and why you love them

Creepy.

Also, I absolutely hate that I now have an obscene amount of wedding ads on my Facebook with my status as "engaged." Evil. Amusing, too, though. I couldn't resist clicking on this particular link: http://weddingsongs.weddingwire.com/weddingsongs/7/firstdancesongs.html I suggest you comment with the most out-of-place song on that list. It's a tough call. You've Got A Friend in Me and Thank You for Being A Friend definitely rank high on my personal "out-of-place" songs, but they're by no means the only ones.

So far as entrance songs go, however, when I very first saw Hannibal in the theater, there was no question from the opera scene on that if I were ever to get married (I wasn't even dating anybody at that particular time) that this Vide cor meum from Dante's La vita nuova would be the song played as I entered. Period.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vide_Cor_Meum
The opera scene from the movie
The song in its entirety with clips from Hannibal

Oh Dante and Beatrice...the penultimate unrequited love. My journal title is from La vita nuova, actually, for those who never caught it before: In that book which is my memory, on the first page of the chapter that is the day when I first met you, appear the words, "Here begins a new life."

New icon! I <3 Hendricks. Obviously. And now there's somewhere in Kalamazoo that serves it...for only $5! And it's the sushi restaurant! I can't even express my delight right now.

I had Indian food for lunch in Kentucky yesterday with the Partner of the Cincy CiP. It was good, but I compare everything to Saffron, it seems. They used sweeter spices at this place, and Saffron's staples are more earthy--I prefer the earthier flavors. The buffet was awesome, though--it had a great selection. Also, my boss used to work in fine dining and has a real passion for the industry--I love that, and he always has interesting stories. After lunch I finally went to the Creation Museum. It was really rather "eh" to me, as I'm really not terribly familiar with the Bible. It's also actually pretty sparse, aside from the gorgeous botanical gardens outside. I think I would have had far more fun if I would have had somebody to boggle at it with who is either far meaner than I, or who knows the Bible a lot better than I do. The place really stumped, amused, and terrified me. The reasonings are obviously warped, but there's practically no real explanations for things--just questions intended to place doubt about the sciences' findings and reasonings. My camera is full of pictures from it, but I need to resize and upload them. I won't post the actual images on my journal, as there are too many, and because I need them to stay a reasonably large size for people to be able to read the signs I took photos of. There are way too many dinosaurs, too. I did learn some things, though, if you take the God-spin off of them. The planetarium show, minus sayings like "Nebulae are God's artwork," was actually pretty interesting and informative. It was really terrifying, though, to see families there really getting into it and discussing things. In the "Valley of Corruption" area (LOL!) there was a speaker stating a handful of random statistics like "The average parent only spends 30 minutes a day with their children" and "One in three pregnancies end in abortion," and there was a family holding a discussion about these things. Granted, I find the parent/children statistic as sad and disturbing as your average evangelical, but the tidbits I overheard from these families really drove in the reality that many of these children are home-schooled and are being brought up with these things as solid fact. These children are practically brainwashed and not given the opportunity to question any of it. I have absolutely no grudge against a believer of any religion (as I'm religious myself, even though it's not of the Christian variety), but it saddens and disturbs me when people aren't given the opportunity to question and decide things for themselves.

Anyway...enough of that. After the CM I went to Ohio State in Columbus to see MZD read and speak. The professor who introduced him obviously didn't know much about him (couldn't say his name, which you can find a pronunciation of anywhere online, only mentioned him writing "two books"--what about T50YS?!, etc...). MZD started by saying he's been into revisiting things a lot lately, and how he recently reread HoL again and one part suddenly struck him as talking about OR. He read one of Johnny's footnotes (from May 1998, I believe--I'll have to look up the date...I wrote it down), and then three parts from OR--Sam (when Hailey suggests leaving St. Louis), Hailey (the section or two right after the Sam one he read), and Sam's final section ("Ever Sixteen"). I wanted to die right there when he started saying "And now I'm going to commit a terrible treason and read from the end of the book" because I knew I was going to start crying in the middle of it...which, of course, I did. I had him sign the opposite side of my hardcover (he signed the Hailey side in Chicago last year), and bought the paperback to have him sign for Dan. Side note: he remembered us from Chicago, Julie! I added my own inscription to Dan on the dedication page of the other side and gave it to him today. Oh! Also, the person in front of me bought the paperback as a wedding gift for some friends of his that are getting married on Saturday. MZD asked him how he wanted him to sign it, and after he found out it was for a wedding gift he signed really sweet personalized messages--one for the bride on Hailey's side and one for the groom on Sam's side. It was really awesome. After the reading/signing I drove back to Kalamazoo and am now wasting time at the coffeeshop until Dan is finished with work.

I'm sure I've rambled on for quite long enough, so I'll leave you with a couple of pictures--my new autograph, and the one I wrote for Dan. I'd post the one I had taken with me and MZD, but I look stoned, even though I'm obviously not, so I won't :-P I outlined the o's and "Gold" in my inscription for Dan in yellow after I took this picture. The quote in my second one--the "Faster baby. Let'S never stop." was from one of the readings he did. As soon as he said it, I knew I wanted to do this for Dan because it was so perfect and so us.



...because, as silly and romanticized as it is, he really is my own Leftwrist Twist of Gold.

Tomorrow is going to be an adventure-filled day! It will start with lunch with the MP here at an Indian restaurant in Kentucky, it will move to the Creation Museum--also in KY, then it will travel up to the MZD event in Columbus, Ohio, and end in Kalamazoo, Michigan. It's a three-state adventure (well, really four because I also cut through a corner of Indiana while driving) that will span a good 13 or 14 hours.

I really can't wait. I'm just mad I don't have my hardcover House of Leaves with me to get signed :-( I thought I was going to be back in Sterling before the event! *mopes* I'm still debating with myself over whether or not I should get the remastered full-color edition of HoL to get signed. Hopefully they'll have The Whalestoe Letters and/or the paperback OR at the event--I can't find either of those anywhere. It would be really nice to have both the hardcover and the paperback OR signed, though. We'll see! Another picture, certainly.

Now I must pack up. I think my MP is working to get me a suite for my last 10-day stretch here, so I'm going to take everything back with me this trip and get checked out of my room. It's an odd feeling to be leaving after staying in the same room for over a month and a half.

I finally finished the last His Dark Materials book and was a complete wreck. I think I finally found my answer to the "question" Dan and I were discussing last time I was town, though..."Why do people read?"

People read for a lot of reasons. He says his main reason is to learn new things, which is completely acceptable. He's been really into very postmodern books the past couple of years, mainly, and it's a "new ways to see the world as it already exists," in his words. I brought up that a lot of the reason I read the (few) fantasy books I do read is a similar reason--to see new possibilities. He used the "escapism" accusation, which was true at one point for me, but no longer is. Really, theatre was my big "escape." Books like the HDM trilogy open up new possibilities to me, and expand upon possibilities that I've considered before. In return, of course, I had to bring up how I miss how open-minded he used to be, and how much less so he's become over the years.

Anyway, today I realized what a big part of it is for me. Reading to me is a love affair of sorts, and there's nothing more amazing. As I was sitting there trying so hard not to cry my heart out in the coffeeshop, I realized the love and the passion that I get for many of the books I read, and how protective of it I am, too. Don't get me wrong, I've read plenty of books that I was perfectly fine with putting down at the end and didn't have any seemingly lingering affects on me, but then there are these books, and these are the books that I tend to push on particular friends. Once in a while I tell a friend that they have to read a book, or I will (very rarely) buy a book for a friend because I know they just have to read it. These are the books that I actively seek out to read, and a large reason why I don't read as often as I used to--I'm searching for that specific feeling. I'm desperate to devour them, heartbroken and torn to pieces when I have to set them down and leave them, and constantly thinking of them even months and years after they are over. I'm fiercely protective over them, and--as one only finds with a lover who is a piece of themselves--they enter and fill a place and understand in a way that no other person, no other book, could ever possibly--they fulfill a need that you don't even understand you have...they complete you in a very individual and unique way. As secret and fierce and protective as one is with a secret love or a new love, so am I with these books. I don't recommend a series or a title to anybody haphazardly, I have to believe that they would understand even a fraction of what I felt with it. Just as I couldn't entrust any dear friend of mine to just anybody else--as I couldn't possibly let just anybody have those precious pieces of my friends, so could I never just entrust the passion and love I have for these books to just anybody else. These books aren't escapism to me, they're finding another piece of my soul, anchoring a new feeling or something else I need to me.

And that...that is what reading is to me. Learning new things, meeting new people, meeting new pieces of myself, and sharing these new pieces of me with people who can understand.

100% for me on the management part of the September secret shop. Win! It was the first time one of my stores got shopped while I was the manager on the floor.

I'm loving His Dark Materials, and I'm on the final book. Also, I bought another Italo Calvino book--If On a Winter's Night a Traveler...I can see he's going to be an addicting one. Essentially, this one is ten separate stories, all of which end at a moment of suspense, that "together...form a labyrinth of literatures, known and unknown, alive and extinct, through which two readers, a male and a female, pursue both the story lines that intrigue them and one another." Now that I can afford to again, I've gotten back in the habit of actually buying books. I like owning things more than borrowing them from a library. I like writing in the margins and highlighting too much ;-)

A couple of striking HDM quotes...

"We are all subject to the fates. But we must all act as if we are not...or die of despair."
--The Golden Compass

"What do you mean, a paleo-archaeologist? Archaeologists already study what's old; why do you need to put another word meaning 'old' in front of it?"
--The Subtle Knife (hehehehehehehehehe)

Also, this will just sound silly to most of you on my f'list, but some of you will get it. I feel like the gods are pushing me towards something, but I'm not sure what. It feels like it's supposed to be a more mystical turn, but I don't even know what I should be looking for or where to begin. The most mystical I've ever really gotten (except for my silly teenage Wicca days--yes you can laugh :-P) is my tarot deck--and admittedly, I do pretty well with it when I read for people. Unfortunately, I'm a little concerned attempting to use my deck to figure it out for myself, as I obviously have blinders on when it comes to myself and my life and what I would read in the deck in a reading for myself. I've been feeling like this since I got out to Sterling, actually, but I was too unsure to mention it before. Since then the feeling has just gotten more nagging. I find it difficult to try to figure it out through reading, as I am moving so much and don't have reliable access to libraries that would have the books I'd be looking for (and I don't even know what I should be looking for in the first place)...and nothing specific seems to be calling out to me at the moment. I am very lost and very confused and I know I'll have this hole until I figure it out...help? Dreams have given me clues that are either very obscure or I forget by the time I wake up. I'm pretty certain Hermes is behind it, though--it's pretty blatantly his energy and his "voice." Of course, I'm also not completely sure, as that could just be him acting as messenger for someone or something else entirely. Bah! I'm hoping mentioning it will bring something clearer to light.

Finally, Hendrick's Gin is awesome. Just awesome. If only I had a refrigerator to keep a cucumber in for it...

Now it is 1:30am and I work at 10am in the morning, probably until about nine or so. But I want to read more! But I must sleep. *pout*